your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
