can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
