I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
