Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
