WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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