I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
