im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
