Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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