I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
