i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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