I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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