I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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