im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
