Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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