its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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