In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
