I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
