Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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