i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
