Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
