I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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