GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
In America we eat man semen.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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