At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
