onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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