she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
