he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
