thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
