My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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