is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
