Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
