Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
