i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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