My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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