my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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