you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
