There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
