I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
