my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You're like the curious george of whores
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Come share oat with me in your robe
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
