Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
