what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
