I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
