I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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