my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
