Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Alive.
So much puke
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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