pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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