shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
