Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
