I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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