I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
