I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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